Worst First Date
by CatrinaSL
Summary: Natasha prompts Darcy to tell the story of her Worst First Date at Girls' Night. "I had no idea that I was on a date. A guy I considered a friend asked me to go shopping with him, and honestly, I thought he just wanted my opinion on a new jacket. Like, who asks a girl to go to Old Navy with him romantically? Is that a thing? Anywhere?" Ace!Darcy!


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Marvel Cinematic Universe or Wanda would not be [SPOILERS FOR AGE OF ULTRON]. Also, I would never violate the sanctity of Transatlantic Truth or Dare.

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"Okay," Natasha laughed, shaking a martini for Jane. "Worst first date."

Darcy groaned. She could swear that Natasha was doing this on purpose. "I thought you said that what happens on a quinjet from London _stays_ on a quinjet from London, Super Spy," she said.

"It is," Natasha told her with a smirk. "I have shared nothing."

"That's right," Wanda chimed in. " _You_ are the one who is going to share."

"Ugh," Darcy replied, narrowing her eyes at Natasha. "I feel like this is violating the sanctity of Transatlantic Truth or Dare."

"How come you don't want to tell it?" Jane asked. "It's a hilarious story!"

Darcy rolled her eyes, then sighed. Girls' Night at the Avengers facility had dwindled down to just the four of them (and FRIDAY, technically), since Helen, Maria, Steve, and the two girls from R&D had already gone to bed.

Wanda was the only one who didn't already know, but Darcy figured it would probably be all right to tell her... Wanda seemed nice.

"Fine," she relented, giving Natasha a look so she would know that Darcy was on to her.

Wanda clapped happily, leaning back in her seat. Natasha smiled triumphantly and poured Jane's drink out for her.

"Okay, so I would like to preface this story with the information that I had no idea that I was on a date. A guy I considered a friend asked me to go shopping with him, and honestly, I thought he just wanted my opinion on a new jacket. Like, who asks a girl to go to Old Navy with him _romantically_? Is that a thing? Anywhere?"

Jane laughed and shook her head; she knew what was coming.

"Perhaps he wanted to buy you something," Wanda suggested. "My brother used to give dresses as gifts to beautiful girls."

"Did he do a whole clothes-changing montage in the fitting room next to them?" Darcy asked. "Seriously, it was the most platonic date I have ever been on in my life, and I'm _ace_."

Wanda didn't seem disturbed by this revelation, so Darcy continued.

"So, like, he decided on a couple things, one shirt that he wore out, and then we linked arms like the comrades I assumed we were, grabbed a Strawberry Julius apiece, and went back to his place."

Jane burst into giggles; the part about Strawberry Julius always set her off like that.

"And I'd never been to his apartment before, so he's all, 'sorry it's a mess, my roommate isn't home or I'd make him clean it' and whatever, so I go over and check out his movie collection while he goes to put stuff away in his room and then he starts talking about ordering a pizza, and I'm like, 'yeah anything but Hawaiian,' and I turn around, and he's right there, like, right in front of me, looking at me kinda funny."

Natasha stifled some premature laughter.

"What happened next?" Wanda asked, leaning forward in anticipation.

"He ripped his shirt off," Darcy told her. "Like, just tore it in half, buttons flying everywhere. I didn't even stare at his chest; I just wondered what kind of person would waste fifteen dollars like that."

She joined the other women in laughing at the memory.

"It was just so ridiculous; he was super hot, but he'd never acted like he was interested in me that way, so I hadn't had a chance to tell him I'm not the kind of girl who would appreciate that kind of thing." Darcy shook her head. "I thought we were just bros, but he thought I was there for all the sex. I wasn't. I wasn't even there for any of the sex."

"Because you are ace?" Wanda asked.

Darcy nodded.

"What does this word mean, 'ace'?" Wanda said, turning to Natasha. The two exchanged a few words in Sokovian (or maybe Russian, Darcy wasn't sure), then Wanda blinked in surprise. "There is a word for this in English?"

"Yeah," Darcy said. "It covers a lot of definitions, but mostly means that person isn't interested in sex."

"I understand what it means," Wanda assured her. "I know the feeling myself. My brother fought a man once for breaking my heart when he could not... get into my pants? Is that the phrase?"

Darcy gaped a little, then nodded.

Wanda sighed. "It is hard to find someone willing to share my heart but not my bed," she said. "But just because I do not want to have sex does not mean that I cannot fall in love. It does not mean that I do not love my friends. It does not mean that I do not love my life."

"Totally!" Darcy agreed.

"I have always known there are lots of us," Wanda said, "but you are the first I have met in person. It is good to know I am not alone."

Darcy grinned and held up a hand for Wanda to high five. "Ace buddies for life!" she decided.

When Darcy glanced at Natasha, she was looking very innocent, which only told Darcy that this had been her plan all along.

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 **Author's Note (August 10, 2016):** A wild headcanon appears! Wanda is heteromantic and sex indifferent (in a not necessarily repulsed but in a "take it or leave it? I'll leave it, thanks" type of way), and Darcy is sex repulsed and demiromantic.

As always, you can read a way more extensive author's note (and find links!) about the fic on my blog: iwillwriteyourfic . blogspot 2016 / 08 / worst-first-date . html


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